Hands Held Tight
by dismalzelenka
Summary: After a promotion and a much-needed vacation, Shepard ships back out on active duty. This time, for the first time in her military career, she has to say goodbye to the family she's leaving behind.
"You know, as many times as we've had to say goodbye, you'd think I'd be used to this by now."

The harsh fluorescent lighting of the docking bay cast angular shadows across Garrus's face as he spoke, the metallic ring of his voice echoing slightly off of the polished metal walls. Tessa set her backpack down and watched the ships departing silently, the noise muted through the transparent atmospheric barrier, light reflecting off of their hulls in brief, glimmering flashes as they swooped gracefully from their hangars and disappeared into space.

Looming before them was the newest ship in the Alliance Fifth Fleet, the SSV Vancouver, her sleek hull emblazoned brightly with silver and Alliance blue. _Her_ ship. She ran a finger over the newest pins and medals adorning the coat of her dress blues, a strange emotion settling in the back of her throat. _Captain Shepard._ The new title still felt strange to her.

"I don't know, Garrus. Do you think it ever really gets easier?" She turned and eyed the sleeping toddler he carried, dark brown curls splayed haphazardly across his shoulder. Four months had gone by since the adoption was finalized, but everything still felt surreal to her. Some days, she still had trouble wrapping her mind around the idea that she was still alive to see another morning, but here she was. Captain Shepard. A wife. A mother. Somehow, in the last year, she had managed to accumulate titles for three separate roles she had never once envisioned herself living.

He shrugged. "Well, it's you, so. Probably not."

"Look at you, ever the optimist," she teased as she lifted the child into her arms. Her expression turned somber again. "He hasn't really been with us that long ... do you think he'll even remember who I am when I get back?"

She felt him brush her shoulder comfortingly. "Tess, don't do that to yourself. He knows you're his mother. He was calling you that even before the paperwork went through, remember?"

"It's still so weird to hear it put that way." She cradled the boy to her chest. "I guess part of me never thought I'd live long enough for this. Part of me is still afraid every goodbye is going to be the last one."

"Don't ever say that," he said quietly. "You're going to come back. And when you land we'll be right here waiting for you."

She shook the boy gently. "Bran. Brandon. Hey, kiddo. I gotta go."

He stirred and eyed her groggily, blinking the sleep from his slate blue eyes before his face contorted into a frown as he burst into tears.

She hugged him tightly, her heart wrenching as she felt him sniffling into her shoulder. "No, hey, don't cry. It's just for a little while. I'll be back soon." Damn. No one had ever mentioned it would be this hard. She put him down on the ground and knelt in front of him, wiping the tears from his face with the back of her hand. "Promise you're going to take care of your dad for me while I'm gone, okay?"

Christ, the way his lip quivered only made her want to squeeze him against her and never let go again. She hugged him again. At least for now, the crying had stopped.

"Fifty credits says he's a better cook than you by the time you get back," Garrus said dryly.

She rolled her eyes and stood back up, lifting Brandon onto her hip. "Garrus, he's three."

"Yeah," he teased, "and when he manages to toast a pair of waffles without catching them on fire, Vega's going to be the first to see that vid."

Tessa groaned. "Please don't. I never hear the end of it from that guy as it is."

"Yeah, well, you should have thought of that before you made him your XO."

"Yep. You can shut up any time now."

The docking bay intercom interrupted them. "Attention: this is the last boarding call for the SSV Vancouver. The gates will close for departure in five minutes. Last boarding call for the SSV Vancouver."

Tessa handed Brandon back to him and took a deep breath. "Well, I guess this is it."

He pulled the two of them into a tight embrace and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Promise you'll come back alive this time."

She forced a shaky smile onto her face. "Please. Have a little faith."

"Tess." He caught her arm with his free hand as she turned to sling the backpack over her shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. "Both of you."


End file.
